Sermon Text:

This week we return to the beginning of chapter 3. Last week we focused on what Peter meant and did not mean when he instructed believing wives to be subject to their own husbands. We saw that submission is an act that comes from the believing wife’s freedom in Christ. We saw that it does not mean that she is reduced or devalued in any way. With that in mind, we will pick up today back at verse 1 and look at how Peter applies this instruction and how we are to respond to it. Our main idea this morning is, 

Marriage is designed by God to display Christ's likeness in the union of man and wife.

Peter begins,

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 

Remember, this is not a general command for women to be subject to men but is to be carried out within the committed relationship of marriage. He says, “be subject to your own husbands.” The command for wives to support their husbands in his role as the leader of the home appears several times in the NT. For example, Ephesians 5:22–24 says,

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  

And Titus 2:3–5 instructs older women to

4 …train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  

On the other side, husbands are commanded to love their wives sacrificially. Ephesians 5:25–33 says,

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, … 

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, … 

33 … let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.  

The design is for wives and husbands to support one another in their mutual pursuit of Christlikeness. He will love her by always putting her first. Jesus died for his bride, to make her holy and to bring her to God. The husband is to lead with his wife's needs and spiritual health as his priority. Recognizing this, she allows him to lead and supports him so that both are blessed.

That is how it is supposed to work. In our passage though these men are not believers. Peter says, 

even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word…

This is a tough situation. The roles are designed to be mutually carried out in Christ but these husbands were not believers. Peter says even so, these wives should trust God and continue to be faithful to her calling. That shows the submission of the wife is not a submission of works, but of grace. She does not submit because her husband earns it. She does it because it is an act of faith and trust in Jesus.

There are several practical observations we can make about this. The first, which we looked at last week, is that the wife is her own person. She is not expected to simply believe what her husband wants her to believe. His unbelief does not reduce her call to faith.

Second, it demonstrates the value God places on marriage. She isn’t to seek to leave the marriage, but to stay and to fulfill her role as his wife. The Bible says if the unbeliever leaves, let them go, but the unbelieving spouse is committed, the believer is to stay.

Third, it shows that a wife with an unbelieving husband is not required to be some sort of super saint. She doesn’t have to be a great evangelist or apologist. Her ministry is to witness to her husband primarily by being a Christ-like wife. Peter focuses on her conduct and not her words. 

Of course, she should share the gospel with her husband. Like all believers, she should be ready to share the hope that is within her. Peter is addressing what to do beyond that when those things have not led to conversion. Essentially, what he is saying is she is not to use her faith as a basis for arguing with him or being difficult. She is not to undermine him, be disrespectful, or badger him. Instead, she is to “show” the grace of Christ in her conduct. Her life is her testimony.

Peter says it is a powerful testimony and God may use that to “win” him over. Peter says our good works will be noticed by those outside the faith, and the “respectful and pure” conduct of the wife who loves Jesus will stand out.

This isn’t a guarantee that the husband of a godly wife will be saved, but God often uses it. Strong faithful women of God have often been the means God has used to save their husbands. I believe that is the case for some of you here today. If you are a wife listening today and are in this situation, pray for your husband and pray that you will demonstrate Christ-likeness.

Peter then gives us some contrasts between what that looks like and what the world does. He says,

 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 

There is nothing in the universe more beautiful than Jesus and so when our spirit reflects him we are at our most beautiful. It is natural for women to desire beauty. Peter is encouraging these wives to be careful to evaluate their beauty and attractiveness through their spirit rather than according to the standards of the world. To not be misled into thinking that outward appearance is of any lasting value. 

Upper class Greek and Roman women were known to spend tremendous amounts of money on elaborate hairstyles, jewelry, and clothing. These excesses were often commented on by philosophers and others at the time. They showed status through outward adornment and Peter calls Christian wives to be different.

Peter is not prohibiting women from wearing their hair nicely or from wearing any jewelry whatsoever. He is really addressing excessive spending on clothing and jewelry that is designed to be seductive or communicate high status to call attention to themselves.

The Greek text literally says these wives should not put on garments. Clearly, he is not saying they shouldn’t wear clothes. He is talking about extravagance and seduction. It is like those Hollywood gala’s where everyone is seeking to draw attention to themselves and the conversation is about which famous designer did your dress or your hair or whatever. 

This is not the status a believing wife should pursue. His point is that rather appealing to the flesh by trying to appear attractive by wearing expensive or immodest clothing, a Christian wife will be adorned by her godly and humble spirit. A Christian wife seeks first to make herself beautiful to God. 

Designer clothes, jewelry, and physical beauty will eventually fade away but the salvation that comes from God through Jesus is imperishable, unfading, and undefiled. Therefore, A godly wife glories in her gentle spirit. She is not difficult and argumentative but is tender and meek. She is not hurtful or sharp in her speech or wit but is kind and encouraging. The Bible says these things are “very precious” in God’s sight. 

In this fallen world women have often had to modify their behaviors because men have been allowed to sinfully indulge in theirs. That isn’t what is going on here. Peter isn’t imposing standards on women to free men of their responsibilities. He is describing what a spirit-filled heart looks like in the context of being a wife.

As we considered last week, some find this difficult or outdated but the wisdom of God is not the wisdom of the world. It is true that God tells wives to be quiet, gentle, humble, and respectful. Does this somehow put wives at a disadvantage? Does it diminish her glory? Not when we look with the eyes of faith. 

God has exalted the name of Jesus above every name. Jesus is seated at the right hand of majesty and it is Jesus who receives all glory and honor. He is the standard for all that God finds most glorious and important. Listen to how he is described:

Isaiah 53:2, 2  … he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.  

1 Peter 2:23, 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.  

Matthew 12:19 (Quoting Isaiah), 19  He will not quarrel or cry aloud, nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets;  

Matthew 11:29, 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Trusting in God for the glories to come, on earth he was quiet, meek, gentle, and humble. God calls Christian wives to follow Jesus. To seek the glory God gives rather than the glory the world offers. 

Sin clouds our perspective on what is truly valuable. We are continually tempted to pursue our own glory, even in our thinking about God and faith. This had led to the corruption even of the churches. We expect that where God is working it will be glamorous and glorious. There are entire ministries built on the lie that if you are close to God and have strong faith you will have power, money, and glory. We seek spiritual highs and blessings. But Martin Luther rightly said,

“It is not sufficient for anyone, and it does him no good to recognize God in his glory and majesty, unless he recognizes him in the humility and shame of the cross. … God can only be found in suffering and the cross.”

The world cannot see beyond the cross, it is an ugly brutal thing but if we are to find true glory, that is where we must look. His glory is hidden in suffering, his love is hidden in pain, his promise is hidden in death. It is only through admitting and embracing our weakness that we can receive the glory. It is only when we are willing to be put to death there with him that we enter into life. He destroys the mighty and the low are exalted. It is only through the eyes of faith that we can see victory in the broken, bleeding, body of a condemned criminal nailed to a tree. 

The cross changes everything. It shows us that even our best works deserve nothing but condemnation. We have all sinned and it is only if we admit that we deserve that punishment rather than him that we can be saved. It is only when we are united to him by faith, dying there with him, and being raised again with him on the third day that we are able to comprehend the mercy of God toward us. The wisdom of the world is shown to be foolishness by the cross and that changes everything.

If you have not trusted Christ as your savior I want you to understand that the cross demonstrates that God will punish sin. That he sent his son to die shows that there was no other way. If you reject the sacrifice of his perfect son then you will be required to pay that price yourself. In rejecting the cross, you are choosing to pay your own way and the result will be eternal suffering and punishment.

But I want you to understand something else. I want you to understand that the cross is not only a symbol of God’s wrath against sin, but of his love for those who repent and trust him. The son of God came to die to bring God a people for his kingdom. No person has earned that and so on the cross, Jesus offered his own life for those who did not deserve it. You cannot be good enough but by God’s grace, you don’t have to be good enough because he is. All you need to do is exchange your life for his and you do that by repenting and putting your trust in him alone for your salvation.

When you do that it transforms everything. You can rest and rejoice in your salvation. You can work without shame, knowing he perfects all you do. You are free from sin and death, having already died to the world.

And yes, the cross transforms how we should understand the call for faithful wives to be subject to their husbands. True honor and glory are revealed in those who humble themselves in devotion to the service of others. The world makes heroes of those who have fame, power, and money. Our heroes are those who point us to Christ. That means that among our heroes of faith are not only great preachers and theologians, but godly wives and mothers. Anyone who considers that an inferior calling is spiritually blind.

Peter reminds them of the examples of faithful wives that came before them. He says, 

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.  

The key thing is that these women “hoped in God”. Their submission was the result of a deeper hope. They did not submit because they thought their husbands were superior to them intellectually or spiritually. They submitted because they were confident that God would reward them. 

Peter specifically focuses on Sarah as an example. He says she obeyed her husband. We addressed this last week. This is not the obedience of a child or a servant but the deference of a partner. The example Peter gives is that she called him lord. 

That sounds very strange to us because we only use that word these days to refer to God but in this context it basically means “sir”. This is small “l” not capital “L” lord. It is not a term of reverence, it is a term of respect. Sarah respected Abraham. The specific example Peter is referring to comes from Genesis 18.

It is interesting that he chooses this example. In Genesis 18, the lord appears to Abraham. It says as he was sitting by his tent three men appeared to him. Abraham greets them and invites them in to rest and share a meal. Then it picks up in verse 9,

9 They said to him, “Where is Sarah your wife?” And he said, “She is in the tent.” 10 The Lord said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son.” And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. 11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah.

The visitors announce that God’s promise will be fulfilled, Sarah and Abraham will have a son. Then in verse 12 we have the verse Peter is talking about,

 12 So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” 13 The Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.”  

She calls him her lord, but in the context of laughing because he is an old man and the idea of them having a child is hard for her to take seriously. Even in this circumstance though, she addresses him with respect. Rather than calling him an old coot, she calls him “sir”. 

The angel replies to her laughter by asking her if anything is too hard for the Lord. In the same way that Sarah was called to be a faithful wife to Abraham, trusting in God’s promise to her, even though it seemed foolish from the world’s perspective, so too are Christian wives to trust in God’s promises in their relationships with their husbands.

Peter says,

you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.  

If they follow Sarah’s example, like her, they will receive blessings. 

In doing this he says they are not to fear anything that is frightening. It could mean a few different things but I think the best understanding is that he is calling them to submit without fear of either their husbands or of what will happen if they do. They are to put their hope in God and trust in him to vindicate them. They need not be afraid as they seek to honor God in their marriages.

Peter then shifts his attention to the husbands in verse 7.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.  

Like most translations the ESV translates the command in verse 7 as a command for husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way. It suggests a call to patience, consideration, and respect. I think those things are certainly included in what Peter is saying but the text literally says husbands must live with their wives “according to knowledge”. 

I do not think he is talking about knowledge of their wives. I think the knowledge is referring to what God expects of them as husbands and the head of the family. When men understand what their responsibilities are in the marriage, they will see their wives as a gift. The husband is accountable for her and is called to love her like Christ loved the church. If he keeps that understanding in mind, she will be loved and cared for.

Peter says she is to be honored as the weaker vessel. We know that women are not intellectually or emotionally weaker than men. Those are stereotypes that have no support in the Bible. Neither is there anything in the Bible that would make us think women are spiritually or morally weaker than men. 

Therefore, the most obvious meaning is the plain meaning, which is that on average women are physically weaker than men. The husband is to use his strength to protect and provide for his wife not to be domineering or intimidating. The husband is not to use his physical strength to assert himself in the marriage. He may feel at times that by virtue of his physical strength that he can force his will but Peter tells him to live according to the knowledge that he is himself accountable to God for her and her wellbeing is connected to his. Husbands are commanded to treat their wives with respect, recognizing that there are differences between men and women. 

This knowledge is part of our responsibility to pass on. These days there are many boys in adult bodies and it seems fewer and fewer men. One of the duties of the church is for older godly men to teach young men what it means to be a godly man and husband. Not a man the way the world thinks of it, but a man as God created them to be. 

Too many guys have views of marriage and sex borrowed from the world rather than the word of God. They are focused on their own needs and desires rather than a desire to honor God. They don’t think in terms of sacrifice because they don’t know what a wife actually is, or what responsibilities come with being a husband. We are blessed in this congregation to have several faithful men who have walked many years in Christ as husbands. I love it when the young guys get together but the wisdom they can glean from spending time with the older guys is priceless. We are planning to have a men’s prayer breakfast in October. I pray that we get good participation from some younger guys.

Finally Peter reminds husbands that their wives are fellow heirs with them in grace. They are equal participants in the glory to be revealed when Christ returns. They should therefore be treated with respect and dignity. They are not only your bride, but the bride of Christ. They have been bought with his precious blood. They are among the glorious ones in whom the lord delights and loves with eternal and imperishable love.

Then strikingly Peter says a failure to honor their wives may result in their prayers not being heard. We see here a principle found throughout the New Testament, that one cannot claim to love God and hate others. A living relationship with God is interconnected with how we treat others. 

In Matthew 5 Jesus says even if you are on your way to offer a sacrifice, if there is something between you and your brother, leave it and take care of that first. In 1 Corinthians 11, Paul says that if we take the Lord’s supper without showing love and fellowship to our fellow Christians, then it is not the Lord’s supper we take and we are liable to judgment. Isaiah 1:15 says God does not hear the prayers of the violent. 

Sin against others is a sin against God and sin separates us from God. Peter warns that God may not answer the prayers of husbands who abuse their headship. Instead, husbands, like the wives, are called to Christ-likeness. Rather than using their position and power to dominate they use it to uplift. Rather than putting themselves first, they live with the interests of their bride always in front of them.

Both husbands and wives are called ultimately to live out their various God-given roles by pursuing Christ-likeness. That is why I said the main point today is that

Marriage is designed by God to display Christ's likeness in the union of man and wife.

God has established distinct roles for the husband and wife. He has reasons for doing so and doesn’t owe us a detailed explanation. What we find though is that the calling in both roles is the same. To live out the fruit of the spirit for the benefit of the other, trusting in God for the promises to come. In that sense, the fundamental basis for all this is the same as it is for all that we do as Christians, married or not. We are called to pursue the good of one another as we follow the example of Jesus. Peter is simply applying this logic to the special calling of the husband and wives. 

I would like to finish today with the apostle Paul’s wonderful plea for all of us believers to live these truths in Philippians 2:1–11

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.      9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.